boredom

we are afraid of the boredom. the utter non-stimulation. and will chase it to the death. the human.

Gaudiya Repercussions, blogs, the Mystery

I was able to find this blog again on Gaudiya repercussions. The site itself, strangely, expired a few days later. It seems the domain may not be renewed. I was glad to find this blog and the other as I was able to go over my mental conditions over quite a long period, since 2005. The blogs entries are not detailed but it only takes a few lines to recollect the gist of the underlying emotion. I quit blogging and contributing to GR when I got busy with my new trade. Now I am two months into starting my own service company with a lot of time on my hands. I wandered back to GR just to see what was going on. Not much, but it brought back memories. Memories of days when I was more focused on post-Iskcon existential confusion than the practicalities of life, which I am consumed by now. I struggle still with self-doubt, and other defeating mental behaviors. I wish I could offer a revelation. A prize of some sort. A stamped ticket. There does seem to be a sense the bumps are smoothed over a little. The journey is more a priority than the destination, as that is not clearly defined.

Five years ago

I found these blogs again many years later. Like meeting the self again that has never left my head. Can this blog be salvaged for something useful?

long too soon post

what am I but just a vibration, vibrating here and there? the will of creation, of life. the illusion of superiority, power. there is nothing like it. may you live it on too.

where did it go? those days of wonder, wander, discovery. It has all gone inward it seems sometimes. India, the grand trip into the beyond. now pestered and working in a system of thought that I don't relate to. Is there another other choices beyond. Of course. we want the world of the mind to paint pictures of its plenty. what if enlightenment is boring, asked the student of the master.

among perceptive and truly intelligent people subtlety is enough. the follower, or consumer, has to have everything shoved in his face to excite the lazy brain from being honest with itself. If there are other better planets, count me in. I guess Im just an idealist. what when you see the utter uncertainty of it all. where did all the good times go? certainly not to the internet. live it live. or worry that you're not.

we struggle with a seeming random life. but nothing really essential is random. the Sun rising and setting, rain, etc. that is oddly , thankfully, predictable. only the possibility of unlimited possibilities that happen at every moment